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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the reliable retreat of your Daily, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and key events, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled through the school acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager after a brief chat within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|