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At times, Jay Spring believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his periods of extreme self-importance can become “highly unrealistic”, he states. “You are on cloud nine and you’re like, ‘People will see that I’m better than them … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

In his case, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically succeeded by a “sudden low”, during which he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his behavior, making him particularly vulnerable to negative feedback from external sources. He first suspected he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors through digital sources – and was later evaluated by a clinician. Yet, he is skeptical he would have taken the label without having previously arrived at that conclusion on his own. When someone suggests to somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – particularly if they experience a sense of being better. They operate in an altered state that they’ve constructed. And in that mindset, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Though people have been labelled as narcissists for decades, definitions vary what is meant by the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” explains a psychology professor, who believes the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he notes many people keep it private, due to so much stigma linked to the condition. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “impaired compassion”, and “a strategy of using people to enhance their social status through behaviors including displaying material goods,” the professor explains. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Gender Differences in NPD Presentation

While a significant majority of people found to have the condition are males, research points out this statistic does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the less obvious variety, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, as with everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who posts about her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. It is not uncommon, the two disorders are comorbid.

Individual Challenges

“I really struggle with receiving negative comments and not being accepted,” she shares, whenever it’s suggested that the issue lies with me, I either go into self-protection or I completely shut down.” Despite having this behavior – which is sometimes referred to as “narcissistic injury”, she has been trying to overcome it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she strives not to return into the harmful behaviour of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she reveals. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she explains she and her significant other “operate with an understanding where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, when I use toxic language, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have supportive figures in her youth. I’ve had to teach myself continuously which behaviors are suitable or harmful to say when arguing because I never had that as a kid,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my household were criticizing me in my early years.”

Underlying Factors of Narcissistic Traits

These mental health issues tend to be connected with difficulties as a child. Heredity is a factor,” notes a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “connected with that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he states, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting particular demands. They then “rely on those same mechanisms as adults”.

Like several of the those diagnosed, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The individual shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve good grades and career success, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “worthy.

As he grew older, none of his relationships ever worked out. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he says. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t forming deep connections, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, like him, struggles with mood stability. She is “highly empathetic of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he says – it was surprisingly, she who first suspected he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

After a visit to his general practitioner, John was referred to a therapist for an assessment and was informed of his condition. He has been put forward for therapeutic sessions on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the main intervention that has been proven effective NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the waiting list for 18 months: It was indicated it is probably going to be early next year.”

John has only told a small circle about his condition, because “there’s a big stigma that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is positive,” he comments. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are seeking help for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the condition. But the presence of individuals sharing their stories and the expansion of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number